Stuffed full of sacri-licious chocolate

I’m sure glad Jesus had that pet bunny and that he broke chocolate eggs with the disciples at the Last Supper. Makes for a good long weekend for me.
To those who wondered what happened to last Thursday’s update. . . I cacked off. By the time I’d been through all the papers that morning I was unable to think clearly enough to rant for you all. Sorry.
This week is going to be equally crazy for me, so sadly there will be no Megalomedia this Thursday either. But tune in tomorrow and next week for your daily dose of morbid irony and scathing cynicism.

Hey Citizen, you got a little something on your chin there. . .
In the ultimate display of mastubatory self-indulgence, the Citizen’s lead story, A1 above the fold, is a sparkling tribute to the wonderous, virtuous Ottawa Citizen. They forwent (forgoed?) their usual teasers above the masthead and everything, all in the name of their 160th birthday. I love this subhead: “With these words as its motto, the Citizen made its debut in Ottawa on this day in 1845. Conceived in jail as an instrument of revenge, the paper has since become an institution”
It’s all so beautiful, not to mention newsworthy. Oh, wedged below the wholesome photo of a happy-go-lucky paperboy from 1941 and the turn to page A6 for more on our history are three tiny little brief boxes with turns into the paper as well. Apparently there was some major earthquake or something. Luckily all the white people had gone home after the last one, so no need to play that bad boy up.

Live or die, that whole dignity thing is out the window
Am I a jerk because I don’t really care about Terri Schiavo? The whole thing is getting a tad morbid, even for me. Should she be kept technically alive just because the technology is available? Probably not. Should the solution be starving and dehydrating her to death? I don’t really think so either. From what I undersdand, she isn’t aware of anything anyway and the removal of the tube is the humane way to do it, but I don’t know, what if she can feel?
Regardless, what really gets me is the obvious agenda in the media. Remember early on when all the little headshots of Terri were recent, that sort of dazed look in her hospital bed? I guess that didn’t garner enough sympathy, because the right-wing (and pro-life) media have moved over to the healthy, vibrant Terri headshots. Terri at her wedding. Terri smiling to the camera.You wouldn’t kill Terri, would you?
Both sides of this dispute should be ashamed of themselves for politicizing this woman’s life and death. The media should be ashamed for allowing them to. If anyone really cared, they’d let her live or die in peace.

Shh. . . Syria’s pulling out
In case you haven’t been following along, here’s Lebanese-Syrian Relations 101 for you.
A few weeks ago, a former Lebanese Prime Minister got shot.
Lebanese people blamed Syria, who have maintained a somewhat menacing presence in Lebanon for years.
Anti-Syrian Lebanese rallied for democracy and Syria’s pullout (Mainstream media rejoices!).
More Pro-Syrian Lebanese rally for Syria (Mainstream media gets a sammich, misses the story).
Even more anti-Syrian rallies (Mainstream media finishes sammich, runs story on A1).
Syria promises to pull out (Mainstream media passes on low-bro pun, offers guarded optimism).
Bush calls bullshit (Mainstream media pulls mouth off of Bush’s dick long enough to file the story for A1).
Latest news:
Syria is actually pulling out their troops as promised, despite the lack of formal agreement with Lebanon on timetable entirley contrary to what Bush suggested.
And the media sleeps. The Toronto Sun and Montreal Gazette get the story. Few others do.

Wow, the Post can barely contain its excitement about the pending UN report on the Oil-for-Food scandal eh? Unlike them, I’m going to wait to comment until I see the report, but the Post has already concluded that Annan will have to either resign or pin the blame all on his son.
Nepotism is okay if you’re the Prime Minister of Canada or President of the United States, but not the UN Secretary General, I get it.

And in the ‘weep for humanity’ file:
Globe and Mail, A1: McDonald’s is going to pay rappers to say nice things about their products. McDonald’s will get to vet the lyrics and approve the message before it is released.
It’s another creepy example of the dominance of commercialism in music, right up their with Nelly and his Air Force Ones and Celine Dion whoring for Air Canada.
I’d like to thank my man Chewie for introducing me to some genuine hip-hop, because I was ready to write off the whole genre. Hang in there Mos-Def, I’m sure someday this whole corporate-whore-agenda will blow over. It’s mathematics.


  1. Well, dude, you should know as a student of the media that if the prresident of the United States says something, it’s totally news because everything he says and does could hae an effect on policy that could affect the lives of hundreds of thousands of nnnyyyooOOOHHHGAAAAH

    Need new pants.

    But dude, who did they rely on for the information in this story? Some dude from SYRIA? Psssh. Proximity is news, man. Who cares what some person from the Syrian army says – especially if it runs contrary to what the President of the U.S. OFFUCKIN’ A says, man!

    After all, in a democratic society it is our duty as responsible citizens to elect people into power and trust that they will do everything that’s right and so as journalists upholding democracy, it is our job to attract advertisers I mean uphold democracy and so as responsible people we shouldn’t rock people’s foundations by telling them things they don’t already bel…

    Oh wait? What? You mean it’s not?


    Well, that just seems silly.

  2. And by the way, Joe, if the media /din’t/ tell us who was guilty or innocent, who would? JUDGES? Come on, man, those guys are obviously not to be trusted! Heck, the U.S. Supreme Court even refused to hear the Schiavo case after around a dozen lower courts all consistently ruled against her family.

    Why can’t they just accept that we have to err on the side of LIFE, man!

    Uh, unless you’re on death row and retarded.

    Or the son or daughter of poor people in Iraq.

    Or unless you’re a months-old baby of a poor mother living in Texas (Hi, Texas Futile Care Law!)

    Seriously. Google “Sun Hudson” and see what you come up with about Bush’s erring on the side of life.

    Or visit this link for starters.

    (Oops, extra comment. If you could delete that, that would be sweet.)

  3. Am I a jerk because I don’t really care about Terri Schiavo?

    Nope, talk about media band-wagon whores.

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